What happens in your bedroom is none of my business. Please.

Last night, I got to thinking about a conversation I’d had a few months ago.  A co-worker was telling me about how he and his wife had rented out the suite they have in their basement for about six months.  He also told me how relieved he was that the tenants would be leaving at the end of that month.  He sighed deeply and confessed "I never realized how disturbing it is to have to listen to other people having sex."  I burst out laughing.  It was partly the shocking absurdity of his statement, but it was also the glee that only comes with feeling understood at long last.

There is nothing more disgusting than listening to other people have sex.  Nothing in the world.

I first encountered this issue when I moved in with my roommate.  She was a, shall we say, friendly girl and that quality only increased when she’d been drinking.  As did her volume.  Fucking gross.

More recently, my neighbour below me, with the exact same floor plan as I have, has given a few performances.  Lucky for me, I don’t think he’s sees all that much action.   What a relief!

I don’t know what it is or why, but it’s the kind of feeling that can only be described a bone chilling or hair raising to me and it’s something I just can’t ignore.  I have a girlfriend who doesn’t even bat an eyelash at the sound of her tenants getting it on directly below her, but me?  No way.  I am instantly wide awake and there is no solution other than to get up, leave the room and compensate with something especially noisy to distract me.  This music/tv/grinding coffee therapy will go on far longer than could be considered even remotely necessary, but I mean, come on.  People shouldn’t have to hear that.  It’ll even skeeve me out to be in my own bedroom after an incident like that.  I’ll hear the echoes of it for weeks.

Does that make me a prude?


18 Responses to “What happens in your bedroom is none of my business. Please.”

  1. dawnmarie Says:

    makes me think of the “You can be as loud as the hell you want” from Avenue Q. Hee.

    that said, i don’t really want to listen to it.

  2. Dave J Says:

    I wish I could somehow make our cat understand this concept. Nothing ruins the moment quite like several “muhroo-oo’s?” drifting in from under the door crack.

    I must say, having an audience is almost as bad as being the audience.

  3. kelly Says:

    Perhaps its the fact that I respect my children that I know to be quiet (and lock the door). But no, that doesn’t make you a prude – honestly, who the hell would want to listen to that?

  4. Toni Says:


    This made me think of a good story from the bookstore. I was working last week, talking to two coworkers of mine about what kind of food we wanted to make (food comes up a lot there because of cookbooks and magazines) and one coworker says, “I want to make lemon bars.” My other coworker says, “this reminds of me of the other night when my husband and I used food in the bedroom.” Ummm…okay. We were talking about RECIPES you freak. She proceeded to tell us the WHOLE story, what they ate and in what room…and ewwww…I’ve probably talked to this coworker about 4 times in total and now I don’t really want to talk to her at all!

  5. Kristin Says:

    I think the only thing that would gross me out to that extent is if it was my own parents…or any of my family. Usually it just makes me giggle.

  6. flap Says:

    I can’t stand that either! I haven’t ever discussed it with you before, but remember my past living situation? Yeah, I would cringe and get up out of bed when that got going on too. I haven’t fully decided if it is because I am actually grossed out by the sounds or just annoyed by the fact that someone other than myself was getting laid.

  7. Courtney Says:

    It doesn’t gross out me out, but I don’t particularly enjoy it. And by particularly enjoy it I mean like it at all. I just turn up the music and roll my eyes.

    It doesn’t make you a prude, though. It just makes you not want to have to listen to people have sex!

  8. Dex Says:

    I have this same problem with the freakazoids that live under me. It’s rather annoying when it wakes me at 2am. I am not a light sleeper, although in these instances I surely wish I was. It’s nothing like getting woken up in the middle of the f’n night when you have to get up for work in the morning. If I am getting woken up, it better be for something good.

  9. Bex Says:

    It doesn’t bother me, but I don’t particularly care to hear it either. I think I’ve been pretty fortunate when it comes to neighbours, I’ve only heard neighbours getting it on twice, once in my very first apartment, and you could only hear them in my roommate’s room – we just sat there and laughed – and another time when I lived downtown and could hear someone outside the open window.

    Which makes me wonder if I’M the creepola neighbour to the people that live around me. Yikes.

  10. Say Rah! Says:


  11. lauren Says:

    I’m with Kristin, I usually giggle. But only if there is someone around to giggle with. If I’m by myself then I get a little grossed out. And it doesn’t make you a prude, it makes you normal.

  12. John O Says:

    I think it depends on the sex of the noisemaker in question below you as to whether it’s gross or not.

    Personally, if I heard a hot young female moaning, i’d probably enjoy that and giggle. If it was some dude, I’d be grossed out.

    Which are you hearing? Let’s have some more description of this, perhaps you could audio record this and blog it? =)


  13. Rache Says:

    It doesn’t make you a prude, some people are so inconsiderate, you feel like shouting something along the lines of: “any louder and I’m bringing a camcorder in there, if I’m going to feel this uncomfortable, I might as well get paid for it!” 🙂

  14. Grady Says:

    I can’t say it bothers me all that much. Getting woken up, no matter what it is bothers me more.

    Ask me again the first time my upstairs neighbor has company. Not to sound intollerant but I am pretty sure he is gay. So any imagery that will come the first time I hear him will probably not be so pleasant.

    (I want to qualify by saying that what you do in your own bedroom is your own business and I have no problem with that, but the image of two men together makes me feel very uncomfortable)

  15. Carrie Says:

    Yikes. Thank you for reminding me why I love having a house!

  16. Lael Says:

    I completely agree with you!
    As does my son,lol.
    Our house has thin walls and I’m SURE we’ve scarred him for life.
    Another thing that’s fucking gross?
    Doing it and realizing the next morning,you’ve been heard
    by your children. Ewww!

  17. Say Rah! Says:

    i just can’t decide how i feel. i know i’ve boh heard & been heard. i just don’t know. i’m perlexed that i have no opinion.

  18. cain Says:

    I don’t think it makes you a prude at all.

    It could, actually, liven up your own bedroom action. Inspiration, at times, comes from the most unlikely sources. Whenever you hear a story about someone elses sex-life, or inadvertly stumble upon the love-making noises we all make (admit it), then, and there, is the opportunity to, one: giggle…and, two: Find your beloved, and jump his bones–or, hers..yes?

    For more shameless sex, you could read my blog. What the heck, it’s all fun, right? I hope.

    Cheers! Now, wipe that blush off your face!


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